Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Learning Troglish

Trog language is at once simple and complicated, it consists mainly of grunts, however, I have discovered the 'troglish' is actually a varied and rich language.

The main difficulty is learning the different meanings of grunts, at first, they all sound the same but as your ear becomes attuned to it, you will hear subtle variations. There is no dictionary for 'troglish', mainly because there is only one way to spell 'grunt'. Do not be discouraged when you first start learning 'troglish', you are going to make mistakes, like learning any other language, you have to be patient.

Unfortunately, because to a certain extent 'troglish' is a tonal language, I can only give you a limited understanding of its more obvious meanings the rest, I'm afraid, is up to you.

The grunt is the standard sound in troglish, it can mean various things depending on the volume, the length of the grunt and whether it is added to any other speech.

A grunt on its own (as far as I can tell) means variously:

Feed me
Where are my clothes
God, you don't understand what I'm going through, leave me alone

A grunt followed by a slight whine usually means:

Feed me
Where are my clothes
Will you (expletive deleted) leave me the hell alone, I'm angst ridden and you are a dinosaur.

Note: This last is usually only used by troglodytes between the ages of 14 - 18 although there are exceptions.

A grunt with a slight coughing noise has a few different meanings and must be taken in context. The more common meanings are:

Feed me
Where are my clothes
I have decided that you are an anachronism and therefore irrelevant to my world view
Where are my favourite console games
Don't look at me
Nobody understands me

You will have noticed by now that all grunts first and foremost mean 'feed me', I have come to believe that the troglish language grew out of the desire to eat and talk at the same time, however, until I can prove this theory, I will keep an open mind, if any other owners of trogs have other theories I would be grateful it they would share them with me.

These are just a few of the more common meanings you will find in troglish. During my years of research I have discovered one amazing fact. Each troglodyte speaks its own version of troglish, if you listen carefully to a pair of troglodytes communicating (and I advise extreme caution when attempting this) you will notice that although initially they seem to be speaking the same language, there are in fact differences, some minor, some not. This evolution of the troglish language is facinating, but as yet I have no explaination for it. The minor differences are often overlooked, BUT, and this is very important when dealing with troglodytes, the major ones have been known to cause hostilities to break out between troglodytes who previously tolerated each other.

The only advice I have if this happens it to try and get to minimum safe distance. In my early years as a troglodyte researcher, I made the attempt to broker a peace between rival factions of troglodytes and still bear the scars. DO NOT repeat DO NOT attempt to understand what caused the conflict to flare up, this is a tribal thing and a matter of pride. I have found that these outbreaks are usually because of a miscommunication, however, to a troglodyte, it is a matter of life and death and will not be persuaded otherwise. The only thing to be done in cases such as these are to wait for your troglodyte to return to its bedroom and then feed it comfort food, pizza is usually a favourite.

I hope that this short discourse helps you to understand your troglodyte a little better. If you have any questions or views I would be pleased to hear them and obviously when I publish my paper on troglodyes you will be fully acknowledged.

4 Comments:

Blogger S said...

Hey Shez! You are a blogger now! Welcome! Welcome! Come see me at my blog too! :D

4:36 AM  
Blogger Logophile said...

I love it, I can't wait till the learn a language recordings come out, should simply the process.

8:39 AM  
Blogger lime said...

i would like to add my interpretation of a few nuances i have discovered among the female of the species.

add to the possible meanings of the various grunts......i have nothing suitable to wear

also, i have noticed another variation: grunt with eyeroll which when translated can mean
1. why have you not yet fed me after prior grunts
2. you are irrelevant to my worldview
3. you are a dinosaur
4. i will never be the irrelevant dinosaur you are

i hope you find this a useful addition to your scholarly work

3:13 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

Thank you Shez & Lime - I was wondering about the differences between male and female trog verbalizations. A published paper would be most helpful.

I have found that the mini trogs use a lot of high pitched whines which I can only assume will one day turn to grunts. The eye rolling is an inborn feature since even the 4 year olds have mastered that.

5:46 PM  

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