Troglodyte Caves
A troglodytes cave (or bedroom) will be cause for much misunderstanding and arguement. Trogs consider their caves sacred and will resist any attempt made by any but a chosen few to enter it.
A trogs cave is a wonderous and dangerous place to visit, always be aware of booby traps. More than one researcher has been maimed because of inattention to detail. Before attempting to enter a trog cave, all safety precautions MUST be observed and all protective gear must be up to date and checked.
Never enter a trog cave whilst the trog is occupying it, your trog will immediately go on the defensive, the best time to enter is when your trog is otherwise occupied, preferably on a day when you know it will be gone for a few hours. It will take you this long to clean away all the accumulated mess.
Below is a list of the equipment you will probably need:
Rubber Gloves
Safety Boots
Protective Eye Goggles
Face Mask
Hazmed Suit
Black Bin Liners
Please note that the Hazmed suit is essential, you will find things in your trogs cave that defy scientific explaination.
You should also have an incinerator installed or failing that, a woodpile ready with which to burn any suspect items you find, while this may seem a little extreme, I have found that this is the only way to ensure the safety of the wider community.
Before entering a trogs cave, I suggest that you fortify yourself with a strong drink, this has a twofold effect, the first is to bolster your courage and the second is to kill any germs that may elude your face mask.
When first entering a trogs cave, be prepared for anything, do not be intimidated by the seemingly impossible task confronting you. Make sure you open all the windows as this is the only time the cave will get any fresh air circulating. I find that the best way to start is to clear a small space, then find any knives, forks, cups, mugs and plates that have been discarded. DO NOT touch the contents of these items but immediately put them in the sink with plenty of boiling hot water and bleach and allow to soak whilst you are tackling the rest of the cave.
The next thing to attempt is the sorting out of clothes, trogs are incapable of hanging anything up and will discard clean and dirty clothes indiscriminately, sometimes it is best to assume everything is dirty and wash the lot. By now you should be able to see some of the floor and the bed. Change the bedsheets and make sure the dirty ones are placed in a bin liner for incineration.
The mess on the floor will be personal to each trog and it is up to the individual trog owner to determine what should be discarded and what kept. I find it advisable to make three piles.
One for 'Definitely To Be Incinerated', one for 'Not Sure' and one for 'Definitely Keep'.
The 'Not Sure' pile will be the largest, there will be several unidentified objects that whilst obviously not a health hazard, will defy your attempts to catagorise them. Do place them in a corner but do not take them out of the cave. All 'Definitely to be Incinerated' items should be placed in black bags and sealed.
A word of warning, it will be very tempting to read any personal items found in your trogs cave. Resist this temptation as your trog will never trust you again if you succumb.
When you have successfully mucked out your trogs cave, take the 'To be Incinerated' bags and burn them immediately. Wash and re-bleach the plates, mugs etc as many times as you deem necessery.
Be prepared for a temper tantrum when your trog returns to its cave. This is inevitable and there is no way to avoid it. Endure the abuse and then feed your trog comfort food. When your trog has calmed down and assured itself that its most cherished possessions are safe, it will forgive you.
Mucking out a trogs cave is a twice yearly task and although your trog will object strenuously and make wild promises about keeping it's cave tidy, do not believe them and resign yourself to this bi-annual task.
A trogs cave is a wonderous and dangerous place to visit, always be aware of booby traps. More than one researcher has been maimed because of inattention to detail. Before attempting to enter a trog cave, all safety precautions MUST be observed and all protective gear must be up to date and checked.
Never enter a trog cave whilst the trog is occupying it, your trog will immediately go on the defensive, the best time to enter is when your trog is otherwise occupied, preferably on a day when you know it will be gone for a few hours. It will take you this long to clean away all the accumulated mess.
Below is a list of the equipment you will probably need:
Rubber Gloves
Safety Boots
Protective Eye Goggles
Face Mask
Hazmed Suit
Black Bin Liners
Please note that the Hazmed suit is essential, you will find things in your trogs cave that defy scientific explaination.
You should also have an incinerator installed or failing that, a woodpile ready with which to burn any suspect items you find, while this may seem a little extreme, I have found that this is the only way to ensure the safety of the wider community.
Before entering a trogs cave, I suggest that you fortify yourself with a strong drink, this has a twofold effect, the first is to bolster your courage and the second is to kill any germs that may elude your face mask.
When first entering a trogs cave, be prepared for anything, do not be intimidated by the seemingly impossible task confronting you. Make sure you open all the windows as this is the only time the cave will get any fresh air circulating. I find that the best way to start is to clear a small space, then find any knives, forks, cups, mugs and plates that have been discarded. DO NOT touch the contents of these items but immediately put them in the sink with plenty of boiling hot water and bleach and allow to soak whilst you are tackling the rest of the cave.
The next thing to attempt is the sorting out of clothes, trogs are incapable of hanging anything up and will discard clean and dirty clothes indiscriminately, sometimes it is best to assume everything is dirty and wash the lot. By now you should be able to see some of the floor and the bed. Change the bedsheets and make sure the dirty ones are placed in a bin liner for incineration.
The mess on the floor will be personal to each trog and it is up to the individual trog owner to determine what should be discarded and what kept. I find it advisable to make three piles.
One for 'Definitely To Be Incinerated', one for 'Not Sure' and one for 'Definitely Keep'.
The 'Not Sure' pile will be the largest, there will be several unidentified objects that whilst obviously not a health hazard, will defy your attempts to catagorise them. Do place them in a corner but do not take them out of the cave. All 'Definitely to be Incinerated' items should be placed in black bags and sealed.
A word of warning, it will be very tempting to read any personal items found in your trogs cave. Resist this temptation as your trog will never trust you again if you succumb.
When you have successfully mucked out your trogs cave, take the 'To be Incinerated' bags and burn them immediately. Wash and re-bleach the plates, mugs etc as many times as you deem necessery.
Be prepared for a temper tantrum when your trog returns to its cave. This is inevitable and there is no way to avoid it. Endure the abuse and then feed your trog comfort food. When your trog has calmed down and assured itself that its most cherished possessions are safe, it will forgive you.
Mucking out a trogs cave is a twice yearly task and although your trog will object strenuously and make wild promises about keeping it's cave tidy, do not believe them and resign yourself to this bi-annual task.
posted by shezzy's sanitarium at 6:32 PM
3 Comments:
lordy day, the fear that grows in my heart...
Shez, you will convince us to put them up for adoption!
: p
i find it is also critical to make sure your immunizations are up to date. given the proliferation of hidden items needing to be bleached, we sometimes wander upon them accidentally. contracting disease due to an accedental encounter with these items is never a good thing.
Oh, good tip, adding that to my notes!
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