Thursday, February 16, 2006


'You're new' A blonde girl stated, seemingly unaware that she was stating the obvious.

'Yeah' I answered, rooting around in my pockets for my swipe card

'Here, let me' She swiped the door and stepped aside, letting me enter first. 'I'm Beth, accounting, if you need anything, give me a yell'

I worked the first hour or so before the need for tea made itself felt and did the dutiful thing, newbies are supposed to make everyone tea so I took names and orders and went in search of the kitchen. I spotted Beth and half smiled at her and she jumped up, grabbed teacups off various desks and joined me.

'You'll get used to what people drink, but don't let them take advantage, everyone has their favourite mugs so for Gods sake don't get them mixed up. This is Mitchells mug,' she carried on seemingly not pausing for breath. 'He goes to wife swapping parties, apparently him and his other half are right swingers' She paused. 'He has tea with no sugar'

'This is Anne's mug, she's having an affair with a bloke in facilities, they're always at it, like rabbits those two are, mind you, her husband is having an affair with the same bloke, so I suppose that's ok. She's black coffee, 1 sweetner.'

'This one is Dan's mug, he's into bondage, apparently he's got this leather body suit he likes to wear and a cupboard full of whips and stuff. He's tea 2 sugars.'

I opened my mouth to ask how she knew all this but she was unstoppable.

'That boring white mug is Chris's, He's on his 4th wife and looking for number 5, watch out for him, he's charming but all he wants is another notch on his bedpost. He's tea 2 sugars.'

'This one is Tim's, he's a transvestite at weekends, but don't let that worry you, he's as nice as ninepence. He's white coffee no sugar.'

'This last one is Freda's, she's a lesbian, but not one of those man haters, she's tea no sugar.'

'Thanks,' I managed to mumble as she drew a much needed breath.

'Now, how do you take yours?'

'Black tea, 2 sugars,' I replied. ' I don't like milk'

'Ok, so what do you like, do you have any hobbies?'

'Well, I'm an avid reader, I like science fiction and fantasy' Knowing that I shouldn't have said anything, I realised that I had fallen into the clutches of the office gossip.

'Ooh, so you like aliens and stuff' Beths eyes widened innocently. 'Have you ever been' her voice lowered and she whispered 'kidnapped?'

I mentally resigned myself to my fate and decided to have a little fun 'Oh yes, in fact, my husband is a martian, I met him when I went to a sci fi convention, of course I didn't know he was an alien then.'

Her eyes widened even more and I could see her mentally rubbing her hands.

We distributed the tea and I got on with my work, it wasn't long before I had my first visitor to my desk.

'So you met Beth eh?'

'Yup' I nodded 'So what's the word?'

'You're into illegal aliens and keep several in your house for your personal pleasure.' The woman held out her hand and we shook, 'I'm Freda by the way, you know, the non man hating lesbian.'

She started back to her own desk and then turned 'Does your husband really have a harem?' she winked.


Blogger Logophile said...

oh my,
I think I have worked with that woman!!
Good stuff, my caramel creme truffle

7:23 AM  
Blogger lime said...

LMAO!!!! you worked with my neighbor???

12:39 AM  
Blogger bsoholic said...

Hahaha! Good ole office gossip!

7:41 PM  
Anonymous Modem said...

Cute story cutie .... sooooooo glad I never had to work in an office

10:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sher - so many things to add... - guess who?

2:29 PM  
Blogger Iranian said...

Good work Shez,
Keep up the good work baby. Hope we can talk pretty soon. This is noonbaget :).

11:54 AM  
Blogger Güggs said...

LOL!!! hilarious post. I loved it! I don't work in an office but sometimes I wish I did...sometimes.

12:32 AM  

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