Warning, if this was a film it would be for over 18's, don't say I didn't warn you!!!!
I'm a killer.
I roll the words around in my head and I like them. I'm a killer. I've killed hundreds in my career. Not indiscriminately, not with bombs or poison gas, but personally. I have been killing for nearly 10 years now and I still get a thrill from it.
I started my career when I was 25, I killed a man for money, it wasn't an elegant job I'll admit but the feeling of power, oh man I wanted more of that. So I killed again, I killed the man who paid me to kill. After that I had to stop. I wanted to do it again but I knew that if I wanted to go on killing I would have to be careful. I decided the first thing to do was to be normal, get a job, nothing too menial but not to obvious either. So I became a desk jockey, Mr Normal, that's me. I don't do anything flash, I'm not too withdrawn, I flirt with the women and go for drinks with the men, I join the office activities but not too many. I drive an average car and have a totally clean police record.
If you passed me in the street, you wouldn't look at me twice, I'm just another drone in a big city. But, I have a secret. I'm a killer. I'm very careful, because I want the thrill to last. It's like a drug, one that hooked me totally. I know I'll get caught one day, law of averages but I don't sweat it. When the net closes in on me I'll accept my fate and blow my brains out. They won't parade me in front of the press and make up news stories about me. I'm writing this to make sure that the facts are kept straight.
This will be left on my computer and discs will be sent to all the major newspapers at the right time. This is, if you like, my last will and testament and I will keep adding to it until the time comes.
I'm no ordinary killer, no sleazy junkie, no disgruntled relative, no drive-byer or gang thug. I kill because I can. Because I must. Don't get me wrong, I don't hear voices, I wasn't told by
God or the Devil to kill. No, I kill because I enjoy it. Just that, nothing more. I'm not a psycho or a sociopath, I have a conscience. Hell, I think I have a highly developed conscience, but I'm sure the shrinks will say otherwise.
The plain and simple fact is I like it. I like the hunt, the process of choosing my next victim, it's better than sex. The kill itself is my ultimate goal though, you can taste the fear, the terror. I vary my methods, but one thing stays the same, I must be there to watch. I watch as the light dims from their eyes and I wonder what they are thinking. Some go quietly, just fade away, others fight, I love the fighters, watching them gulp for that one last breathe, watching them not believing that it's happening to them. My God if I could achieve that every time I would be a happy man. Power, it's the ultimate power, the ability to stop another person from existing and there's nothing like it.
After a kill I go and find a hooker, I'm so wired I need to get rid of some energy and in this city, there are plenty of them who will accommodate me. I've killed a few whilst I was banging them, just to see what it was like. I liked it. That bothered me a little but I find that now I don't care, nobody else does. I stabbed the first one, my god she bled like a stuck pig, but that was fine, it added to the experience and I'm all for new experiences.
The second one I strangled, I didn't mean to but as she bucked and thrashed under me I found that I could reach new heights. It was the best sex I'd ever had. Now I only strangle them after a particularly good hunt and kill. It's my reward to myself.
That's all for now, the sun is down and I'm going out to hunt, if you open the attached file, you'll find names of all my prey, like I said, I want to keep the record straight, I don't want others taking credit for my kills.
See you in the funny pages.
I roll the words around in my head and I like them. I'm a killer. I've killed hundreds in my career. Not indiscriminately, not with bombs or poison gas, but personally. I have been killing for nearly 10 years now and I still get a thrill from it.
I started my career when I was 25, I killed a man for money, it wasn't an elegant job I'll admit but the feeling of power, oh man I wanted more of that. So I killed again, I killed the man who paid me to kill. After that I had to stop. I wanted to do it again but I knew that if I wanted to go on killing I would have to be careful. I decided the first thing to do was to be normal, get a job, nothing too menial but not to obvious either. So I became a desk jockey, Mr Normal, that's me. I don't do anything flash, I'm not too withdrawn, I flirt with the women and go for drinks with the men, I join the office activities but not too many. I drive an average car and have a totally clean police record.
If you passed me in the street, you wouldn't look at me twice, I'm just another drone in a big city. But, I have a secret. I'm a killer. I'm very careful, because I want the thrill to last. It's like a drug, one that hooked me totally. I know I'll get caught one day, law of averages but I don't sweat it. When the net closes in on me I'll accept my fate and blow my brains out. They won't parade me in front of the press and make up news stories about me. I'm writing this to make sure that the facts are kept straight.
This will be left on my computer and discs will be sent to all the major newspapers at the right time. This is, if you like, my last will and testament and I will keep adding to it until the time comes.
I'm no ordinary killer, no sleazy junkie, no disgruntled relative, no drive-byer or gang thug. I kill because I can. Because I must. Don't get me wrong, I don't hear voices, I wasn't told by
God or the Devil to kill. No, I kill because I enjoy it. Just that, nothing more. I'm not a psycho or a sociopath, I have a conscience. Hell, I think I have a highly developed conscience, but I'm sure the shrinks will say otherwise.
The plain and simple fact is I like it. I like the hunt, the process of choosing my next victim, it's better than sex. The kill itself is my ultimate goal though, you can taste the fear, the terror. I vary my methods, but one thing stays the same, I must be there to watch. I watch as the light dims from their eyes and I wonder what they are thinking. Some go quietly, just fade away, others fight, I love the fighters, watching them gulp for that one last breathe, watching them not believing that it's happening to them. My God if I could achieve that every time I would be a happy man. Power, it's the ultimate power, the ability to stop another person from existing and there's nothing like it.
After a kill I go and find a hooker, I'm so wired I need to get rid of some energy and in this city, there are plenty of them who will accommodate me. I've killed a few whilst I was banging them, just to see what it was like. I liked it. That bothered me a little but I find that now I don't care, nobody else does. I stabbed the first one, my god she bled like a stuck pig, but that was fine, it added to the experience and I'm all for new experiences.
The second one I strangled, I didn't mean to but as she bucked and thrashed under me I found that I could reach new heights. It was the best sex I'd ever had. Now I only strangle them after a particularly good hunt and kill. It's my reward to myself.
That's all for now, the sun is down and I'm going out to hunt, if you open the attached file, you'll find names of all my prey, like I said, I want to keep the record straight, I don't want others taking credit for my kills.
See you in the funny pages.
posted by shezzy's sanitarium at 8:48 PM
2 Comments:
Have you read The Butcher's Boy by Thomas Perry? I think you might enjoy it - very similar topic.
To all who read Sherri's blogs, Sherri, my daughter, passed away on Tuesday 22/0708. Please go to http://www.justgiving.com/sherrifuller
Sherri had Cancer.
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