Friday, April 14, 2006


Ok could the meeting come to order please, I know it's been a long time and we have a lot to go through, can you hear me at the back there Pluto? Look it's not my fault you're so far away, it was your choice. Settle down please.

I'll just read the minutes from the last meeting we had, lets see, when was it? Oh yes a billion years ago, we really must get together more often!

Actually, I have to admit, I lost the minutes, well it was a long time ago, I know they're somewhere, sorry.

Lets get straight down to business, I've had quite a few complaints lately and there is a lot of back biting going on, this must stop! I'll go over some of these concerns not if no one has any objections. Yes Mercury, what it is? Look it's not my fault your sunburned on one side, get some sun cream.

Now, there have been a few complaints about you Jupiter, quite a few of the others think that that storm has been going on for quite long enough, yes I know it's a pretty colour but come on, 300 years?

And you, Saturn, there have been complaints that you are becoming insufferably smug about your rings, you aren't the only planet with them you know, would it be so hard to let the others have a few of them it's not as you haven't got plenty to spare and do you HAVE to have so many moons? Jupiter, you're the same, for goodness sake share them out a bit more equally, give a couple to Venus, Mercury and Pluto.

No Venus, you can't have all Saturns rings instead, that reminds me, at last meeting you said you were ready to start experimenting with letting some bacteria grow, what happened? Earth has managed to sustain a thriving community, it's about time you did the same. No it won't ruin your figure!

Neptune, you've been lying on your back for quite long enough, it's about time you straightened up, you look ridiculous.

Uranus, stop sulking, yes I know that people make fun of your name but it's the one you've got so just snap out of it.

Mars, I hear you've been having visitors, will you stop hiding the machines that the bacteria from Earth keep sending, you know how much it upset her. At least she's kept to her promise, what have you done lately? No a microbe is not enough, I expected better, I'm very disappointed in you.

On the plus side, I must commend Jupiter for the excellent job he's doing gathering up all the stray comets, keep it up son, good work. Yes Saturn what is it? You think you've lost a couple of moons? For goodness sake, how many times do I have to tell you, keep an eye on them, it they stray it's no ones fault but yours.

We need a little pride here guys 'n gals, I got an email from Andromeda yesterday and 5 of her planets have got bacteria, 5!! We are starting to look a little pathetic, even the nebulae are laughing at us, so I'm issuing a final warning, I don't want to but you leave me no choice, this project has gotten way off track. Saturn, if Titan doesn't start producing bacteria I'm taking him away from you and giving him to someone who will appreciate him. All of you planets who have moons that can sustain bacteria, hop to it and Venus and Mars, I want to speak to you both personally.

There is one more thing I must address, it's a little embarrassing for me, I've has a little problem with solar flares, but I've consulted with an expert and he says it's perfectly normal for a Sun of my age, so Mercury you can stop giggling all the time.

Oh whilst I think about it, Pluto, PLUTO can you hear me? Good, you've got to tidy yourself up a bit, there are rumblings around the galaxy that you aren't a planet at all, no don't start crying, it's your own fault, you look like something the meteor dragged in.

Now, we will hold another meeting in 10,000 years and I want to see significant progress people, I'm not going to be the laughing stock of the universe! Now get out there and do what you do best.

And Mercury, I don't like apples so it was a waste of time trying to suck up to me, next time, try pears.


Anonymous Logo™ said...

You've an absolute gift, my dear.

7:30 AM  
Blogger snavy said...


11:59 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home