Monday, April 10, 2006

Monthlies

Forword.

This tale was inspired by a newspaper article I read about a woman who went slightly mad due to her 'time of the month'.


Oh God, it's coming, I can feel it, I don't need a calender to tell me what time of the month it is. It rages inside me, sometimes a tiger, sometimes a rat, tearing and gnawing at my insides. I can feel it trying to escape, the ravening beast that takes me over. It wants to be free.

I try not to let it, God knows how I try, I've tried all the remedies, all the drugs, all the old wives tales but it's always there, just waiting, waiting for the opportunity to escape and rain havoc upon my world. It rips its way out of me and I can't control the beast and a part of me doesn't want to, a part of me wants to release it, let it have it's way. I want to share my pain with the world, I want to scream and curse at the unfairness of it.

But mostly I do keep it under control for ultimately I am afraid of the beast. If I let it out, will I be able to cage it again? If I let it run free would I lose myself to it forever? It is part of me and I am part of it, it is the primevil in me, the wild woman who wants to kill and eat raw red meat, wants to run forever and never look back, it is the part of me that wants to inflict the pain I feel on others, it is the part of me that does not think, but snaps and snarls not caring who is in the firing line.

I promise myself that this time it will not win, it will not be allowed to bare its teeth, I will conquer it once and for all, I will not allow the beast to rule my life, but I know it is an empty promise, the beast always wins.

God I need chocolate.

2 Comments:

Blogger lime said...

LOL!!!! good one, shezzy. now gimme the chocolate and no one gets hurt!

12:53 PM  
Blogger barefoot_mistress said...

Yep, whether you like it or not, here it comes! LOL

4:40 PM  

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