Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Educating Trogs

Educating trogs is difficult at best, near impossible at worst. As a trog owner you are bound by law to see that your trog goes to school and is educated to some degree, the level of education of course differs from country to country. Alternatively you can home educate but for this you must have a strong mind and constitution, however the rewards are sometimes greater and worth the effort.

Your trog will resist all efforts to be educated with a degree of passion that is difficult to believe, they are convinced that they already know everything and persuading them that they don't is an unenviable task that all trog owners must face.

All trogs are convinced that, due to their natural abilities and personality they can become, with no effort, a fighter pilot, brain surgeon, captain of industry, leader of the free world or ruler of the universe. You must disavow your trog of these notions gently but firmly.

Once your trog has resigned itself to the inevitability of being educated, you will face a battle of wills everyday. Your trog will try any ruse to get the day off school, complaining of an upset stomach, lightly dusting its face with talcum powder to appear pale, wetting its face to make it appear as if it is suffering from a fever are just 3 of the tricks it will use. Do not be fooled by these.

Your trog will complain constantly about its teachers and will try and convince you that the school you have chosen for it is totally unsuitable. Various accusations leveled at the teachers will be that they are:

Boring
Aliens
Boring
Unable to do their jobs
Boring
Anal
Boring
Totally unsuitable for the teaching profession as they don't know what they are talking about
Boring
Vindictive

Listen to your trogs complaints then explain that although it thinks that it is correct, this will not prevent you from waking it up the following morning to send it school.

Sometimes your trog will have a genuine grievance, the difficulty is separating this from the general whining that it does every day. If you find that this is the case, deal with it immediately, and you will win serious brownie points with your trog.

Homework is always a contentious issue, your trog will think it is acceptable to do it's homework on the bus or walking to school. Do not allow this to happen, insist that all homework be done in the evening, preferably before supper. As a side note, the threat of withholding its feed is a good incentive for a trog to knuckle down and get on with said homework.

Do help your trog with any projects it has to complete, but, do not be tempted to take over your trogs project completely, you are there as support only and any attempt to interfere will be resented, listen to its ideas and try to build on those, under no circumstances belittle its thoughts on the subject at hand as this will be construed as direct criticism and will sent your trog into a sulk. Do buy (within reason) the materials your trog needs to complete its project, once again, this will score brownie points.

Exams are a very traumatic time for trogs, always be supportive and offer to revise with them.
This has a two fold effect, your trog will be pleased with the help and you can be assured that your trog has the understanding necessary to complete it's exams competently.

If your trog resists being educated, it is perfectly acceptable to resort to bribery. Start small at first and as your trog grows older you can increase your bribes by increments.

Eventually your trog will resign itself to being educated and may even come to enjoy the experience. It will occasionally have relapses but as it grows older it will realise that education is a vital part of rejoining the human race and will come to look forward to this.